Tuesday, May 31, 2005


Time To Crap On A Religion

I don’t know much about Buddhism so a small part of my really wants to feel bad about this post but I assure all of you that as in all my posts I am really in a quest for knowledge.

Moving on… As far as I have been aware Buddhist rely on the kindness of strangers, are peaceful and sit cross legged a lot. Please correct me if I am wrong because I have also found evidence to contradict my ignorant beliefs. Recently five Thai Buddhist monks have been defrocked and fined after a brawl with monks from a nearby temple, police and newspapers said Tuesday. Sounds like a FOX T.V. special to me. Monks Gone Wild.

Friday, May 27, 2005


The Power of Soccer

I usually fall in line with most American’s view soccer; disinterest. After all what’s the point of a sport where you can run around for 90 minutes and end in a 0-0 tie? However, recently Liverpool won the European Cup, winning what has been hailed as one of the greatest match’s ever. The victory has supposedly signified a rebirth of the English soccer.

Who cares right? Well I did a little more research into the power of soccer and found that recently soccer fans were forced to watch women in bikinis and were pissed about it because it interrupted a match.

I’m still not so sure about soccer but based on this recent evidence I am convinced there must be something to it.

Thursday, May 26, 2005


More Potty Talk

Apparently the Brits think they are on to a brilliant idea in having in-car toilets. I am pleased to see that the inovation is on it way to being a reality however, modesty aside, I thought of that idea when I was 6. The other cool thing about the toilet is that the makers say that within the toilet are chemicals that break down waste (poop and pee to the layperson) into a "sweet smelling, inoffensive liquid." If its possible to make it so one's shit doesn't stink, why hasn't this technology be incorporated into non-in-car toilets?

In related news, Finland papermills are on strike creating a "run" on toilet paper.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005



Ok, erectile dysfunction is even too awkward of a subject for me to blog about but I found this article about what one does when the Levitra girl calls amusing.

In related news... Who knew that there was an entire month dedicated to this activity, let alone one that it is scheduled to climax on May 28th.

Monday, May 23, 2005


I'm A Chronic Masticator

I masticate sometimes as many as 5-6 times a day

I think of girls when I masticate

If I am lucky a girl will agree to masticate with me

I masticate at home, in the office and sometimes in public

I even masticate in front of large groups of people

If I go a long time without masticating I get jealous of those who can masticate

If I am feeling particularly lazy I sometimes even masticate in bed.

All this posting about masticating has gotten me a little riled up so I’m going to duck out of work to go masticate.

Friday, May 20, 2005



They said it wouldn’t, couldn’t and shouldn’t be done but after years of hotdogs vs. buns wars, Hotdog and bun makers in Chicago have agreed and are promising to sell the buns and hot dogs in the same numbers. We can only hope that this groundbreaking event take root in the mainstream hotdog world.

In other news… Only in West Virginia does a woman almost die from being sat on by a camel.

Thursday, May 19, 2005


Its Never Been More Obvious...

Wednesday, May 18, 2005


Grossest Place On Earth

The grossest place on earth is under the driver’s side seat of any car. Why… because as any honest driver will tell you and if you look around at other drivers, driving time = nose picking time. And of course there has to be a convenient place to keep those golden nuggets or in some cases magic nose goblins.

Porta Potty’s and similar places did not qualify because they are more official designated areas for gross stuff. One possible exception would be if this is your vehicle.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005


I Don't Get It

As many of you know I have recently moved to San Francisco. There are many small differences from many of the East Coast cities I have experienced and I am still getting used to them. One big difference I have noticed is that in many of the houses and apartments the locations of the toilet and bathroom/sink area are different. I am far from the most clean or hygienic person but I was always taught that when you are done with your business you take a second to wash your hands. It’s a small task and I fully understand the argument of having good aim or whipping capabilities but it’s a courteous safety precaution for you and those around you. Certainly having one’s sink in a different location as the toilet does not encourage the proper behavior. My question is why this was done in the first place. So far the only explanation I have received is that this occurrence is only in the older homes and that back in the day people were not as conscious of germs etc… I find this explanation to be poop. I lived in Boston; one of the oldest cites in the country with homes much older than anything in San Fran and never encountered a sink being in a separate room from the john.

If you can help answer the rational behind this phenomenon it would be greatly appreciated. Sorry I was too lazy to include links today.

Monday, May 16, 2005



In the immortal words of Harry Dunn, “Check out the fun bags on that hose hound,” is all I can really say about the trailer for the Dukes of Hazard movie. Anyways ladies I’m sure the gents in this film are good looking too. Of course I don’t know if there are any guys in the film. All I saw was an orange car and well you know…

In other news there is an ONLINE petition to ban the internet.



First… Some of my readers are calling for more comments. So go ahead and comment on my posts. I fully expect to be made fun of and I shall return the favor.

Second… Check out some the links in my blog roll, specifically ESB, (Elizabeth Street Brewery) which is a fun blog by a friend, fellow Vocian and local brewer. Also check out John Thomas’ blog. (He is just starting the blog thing but I’m sure if he saw people were reading it he will keep it up) The other links on my blog roll span a variety of areas and I encourage you to check them regularly as well.

Third…Shit I forgot the third thing but I’ll be sure the bitch about it later.

Not to worry my next post will be a return to my attempts at entertainment.

Thursday, May 12, 2005


Holy Beer!

There is new hope for religion, specifically the Catholic Church. Not only does he shit in the woods but the Pope likes his beer.

In other news... Stevie Wonder has released a video for the blind. (Insert tastless blind joke here e.g. who's gonna watch it?)

Monday, May 09, 2005


Things I Would Even Hesitate About Before Putting In My Mouth

Sunday, May 08, 2005


Correction On The Higher Power Theory

In a recent post I mentioned that there was a higher power that prevented people not unlike myself from getting into horrific accidents due to staring at hot girls between the ages of 18 and 28 who come out of the woodwork in Boston. I have since been reminded of an incident about 5 years ago when I was riding my bike through Harvard and I witnessed one of the most awe striking and intimidating sights of my life. A ridiculously hot Harvard chic. The combination of this girl's hottiness and being way smarter than me somehow caused my bike to go strait into a fence while I was gawking at her. I still have a large scar on my leg from the accident. Anyway... there goes my higher power theory.

In other news I have moved to San Francisco which may or may not be the new nature of this blog. Right now I am experiencing a cold with the phenomenon of having used more toilet paper on my nose than ass in the last week. Here’s to having a more coherent post next time.

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