Monday, February 28, 2005


Here's To Women With A Little Extra Chunk In The Trunk

People often argue why the US of A is better or worse than other nations and it usually centers on some sort of socio-political discussion. I for one maintain that to truly gain appreciation for another country one must examine societal activities. Take for instance the fine nation of Australia; (Which way their revolving doors turn is yet to be determined) In the town of Hunter Valley, One lucky man could win his wife's weight in beer if he is strong enough to carry her across an obstacle course at the inaugural Australian wife-carring championships.

If that is not a sign of a nation on the way up I don't know what is. Just think of what a nation could do if events not unlike wife-carrying championships took place on a regular basis.

Saturday, February 26, 2005


Kelly Gruber

At the risk of losing some of my blog readership, I wanted to take a moment to celebrate the birth of the greatest third baseman every.

Kelly Gruber

Kelly Gruber Kelly Wayne Gruber (born February 26, 1962 in Houston, Texas) was a Major League Baseball player. He played third base.

Early Career

Kelly was drafted by the Cleveland Indians in the 1st round (10th pick) of the 1980 amateur draft but did not see time with the team. On December 5, 1983, the Toronto Blue Jays picked him up in the Rule V draft. Kelly saw his first Major League action shortly after, playing in his first game on April 20, 1984. Over the next three seasons, he split time between the Majors and the minors, eventually earning an every day spot in the Toronto line-up by 1987.

Best Years

Kelly had his best season in 1990, hitting .290 with 31 HRs, 118 RBIs and 14 SBs. The numbers remain among the most impressive ever posted by a Blue Jay.

The relationship between Kelly and the team soured over the next few years, however. After the Blue Jays won the World Series in 1992 -- thanks in large part to a Game 3, game-tying home in the World Series -- Kelly was traded to the California Angels for Luis Sojo and cash. Kelly appeared in interviews to be very bitter about the move, feeling that he deserved better treatment from the team he had been so loyal to.

Kelly's career was tragically cut short in 1993 due to a bone spur on his spinal cord.


* All-star (1989, 1990)

* Gold Glove winner, third base (1990)

* 4th in American League MVP voting (1990)

* First Blue Jay to hit for the cycle (April 16, 1990)


* Toronto Blue Jays (1984-1992)

* California Angels (1993)

Friday, February 25, 2005


Revolving Doors Come Around Again

So according to the comments on my previous revolving door post, the Irish have their act together and make their revolving doors no unlike those of us in the US of A.

What goes on in Australia? I am still working on. I was recently a locker room and saw an Australian acquaintance of mine and I called out "Hey pal which way do your doors turn?" He gave me an odd look, didn't say a word and promptly moved to the other side of the locker room to finish changing. Perhaps he misunderstood me.

Not to worry though, I have an Australian lady friend who did not know the answer to my query but is returning to Australia for a visit soon and will report back.

For all those concerned I assure we will get to the bottom of this.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005


Like A Kid In A Candy Store

We all know about the kid in a candy store; the child who views candy in all its flavors and colors as the be all and end all of existence. He has been fortunate enough to have had candy in the past but the concept of being surrounded by more candy than his little brain could possibly fathom puts the kid in a situation where his hands can't resist reaching out to at least begin to sample the candy store's delights. And it is then that his mom or some other adult figure holds him back. It’s just a great big tease. The most the kid ever gets is gummy bear or something.

I too am a kid in a candy store. In an effort to keep in shape I go swim for the Boston College Masters swim team. Recently the freshmen and sophomores from the varsity team have joined the masters team. So there I am every night surrounded by 18 and 19 year old girls in bathing suits. But all I can do is look and not touch. Half of me wants to take the moral high ground in this situation and behave like a normal adult. The dirty old man half of me wants to kick the crap out of that half of me.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005


Revolving Doors

Ahh yes the revolving door. Not since the Dutch door has entering and leaving a building been so much fun.

Forgive the potential idiocy of this post but I began to think about revolving doors when I got work this morning. I thought of a trip I took to Ireland and I could not recall if I had gone through any revolving door. I don’t know if they have revolving doors over there and I am not so sure I care. However, if they do have them or if they ever were to have them, which way would they turn? In the U.S. of A we drive on the right side of the road and our revolving doors turn counter clockwise. In Ireland, Great (Modest and damn proud of it aren’t they) Britain and other nations people drive on the left side of the road. Which way do their revolving doors turn?

And what about Australia, once a British prison colony on the bottom side of the planet? Are the directions in which their revolving doors turn somehow related to the hemispheres? It has been suggested that in the northern hemispheres toilet water flows one way and in the in the southern hemisphere it is the opposite. Could this be true for revolving doors as well?

Sunday, February 20, 2005


People I Know

I am going to periodically blog about people I know or at least their goings on. For the most part I will not reveal thier identities to protect the innocent but on occasion I will punish the guilty. Anyway...The following is from someone I know

"So I was watching headline news this morning as I got ready to come in to school, and they had this story about a US soldier who is trying to adopt an Iraqi 10 year old who is retarded. I think that was the story anyway, I was only half watching... anyway, at one point, the guy is responding to people who say he's doing something really couragous and wonderful and says, "sure it's a good thing, but he teaches me so much every day, and I get more out of it than I think I could ever give him." All I could think about was, "those goofy bastards are just about the best thing I got going in this crazy world." and "Who are they to tell me who I can and can't work with." And I started laughing at this guy and I had a hard time stopping. I'm an asshole."

Friday, February 18, 2005


Nanotechnology And The Naked Future

I was recently given a Dockers brand shirt by my mother (Yes that essentially means my mom still dresses me) but it was no ordinary shirt. This shirt is impervious to sweat wrinkles, stains and smell. How is this possible? Nanotechnology is how. It has led the micro-fibers in fabric to do amazing things. Here’s how:

One end of a Teflon-like molecule binds to the cotton fiber of the shirt. Other molecules follow, and form an organized layer over top of the cotton due to interactions with the cotton and each other. Hence molecules and layers are assembled with this technology.

Think what this means. If our cloths can’t be stained, won’t get wet when we sweat, won’t smell and are wrinkly free, we could potentially never have to do a load of laundry again. The possibilities are endless. Since this is all on the nanotechnology level it isn’t too far of a leap to assume that over time fabrics will become thinner while maintaining their insulating capabilities. As fabrics get thinner it isn’t much of a further leap to think some day we might not need cloths at all. We may wake up in the morning take a shower smear some lotion on and walk out the door naked as the day we were born but feeling fully clothed.

At first fascinated with this idea because thinking of a bunch of naked people walking around I thought Playboy Channel, but then I realized most of us fall more into the Discover Channel category.

There you have it the scary naked future.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005


Is There Anything The Ukrainianians Can't Do

A Ukrainian inventor recently developed a musical prophylactic. I'm not sure if this is intriguing or disturbing.

However, if he gets this thing to play "Jock Jams" I just might die a happy man.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005


There Are Still A Few Cold Days To Come

In Boston today it is sunny and 50 some odd degrees but its still February and I am sure we will have some chilly days ahead of us.

How to stay warm:

If its one of those brutally cold days where if you inhale deeply through your nose you can feel your boogers freeze you are going to want to take a necessary steps to keep warm. The first thing you can do is to revel in how cool it is that you can make your boogers freeze. This should provide a decent distraction from the cold. However, if you have to be outdoors for a long duration you will need to take additional steps. Hopefully we are all smart enough to dress properly, but there will always be exposed skin, usually our faces. In order to keep our faces warm I suggest loud singing. By singing loudly you will be moving your face around increasing blood flow which will lead to keeping your face warm. In addition, if you are walking down the street singing loudly you will draw a certain amount of attention which you may find embarrassment. Embarrassment can also lead to a sudden rush of blood to ones head and at the very least can provide another distraction from the cold.

Another common issue with the cold is within one's own residence. As the cost of heat takes a toll on the old back pocket stuffer we tend to avoid turning on the heat. Or we may have some other home heating problem. The solution is simple. Poor yourself several glasses of your favorite alcoholic beverage turn on some of your favorite upbeat music and throw yourself a personal dance party.

Finally on a most important keeping warm note, pitchers and catchers reported to spring training today. It’s warm where they are...

Sunday, February 13, 2005


Redundant Tuna Fish Repeats Itself

I know I am not the first to be troubled by this but tuna fish seems to be pretty redundant if you ask me. If someone says "tuna"... unless you're an idiot you're going to assume they're talking about the fish.

I don't walk into Burger King and ask for a bacon pig cheeseburger cow.

Friday, February 11, 2005


Toilets in Japan

A friend of mine who is currently in Japan recently emailed me and told me that in Starbucks over there they have heated toilet seats. I hate an ice cold toilet seat as much as the next person and I am sure it is more of an inconvenience to woman, however in any place that I have been that has decent heat, a Starbucks for example, the toilet seats have not been unreasonably cold.

This led me to think that this novelty was for additional comfort. Perhaps the initial sit down is more comfortable but sometimes when I take a poop my ass gets a little sweaty.... especially if I have been drinking coffee. The last thing I need is additional heat.

Clearly the Japanese have hit their ingenuity ceiling and I suspect an economic downturn in that nation. Get your toilets form American Standard who recently released a toilet call "The Champion" which they claim to be uncloggable.


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