Thursday, June 30, 2005
People I Know
Actually I like to think I got a little more going. For instance yesterday I joined the Stanford Masters swim team. During the first practice of finding out how out of shape I was easily distracted from the burning lactic acid in my muscles by the ginormous bee sting I received on my ass. Being somewhat allergic to bees my left butt cheek swelled up to twice its ordinary size.
Indeed it was a good time and I now have another reason for scracthing my ass.
Sorry no links today :-(
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
One Small Step For The Benaisance One Giant Leap For Benny Hoh
(To apply for The Bennaisance Newsletter email: email@example.com, subject line: I find your ideas intriguing and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter)
In today's How California is different than Boston news: Some California hackers have developed a device that hacks into crosswalk signals allowing you to cross at will rather than stand on the corner waiting to signaled to cross. Bostonians didn't get the news because they cross at will regardless.
Finally if you are feeling pretty low about yourself after sucking a few minutes out of your life to read this blog I highly encourage you to purchase a Needie. Its bound to pick you up and erase away any thoughts of your loserdum.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
I Prefer the Soft Shell
You get to practice folding skills
It is less messy
You can easily melt cheese to the tortilla and then add additional toppings
The likelihood of you cutting the roof of your mouth on a taco shell is limited
The list goes on and on, just use your imagination. As usual, the long and short of this PSA is I'm pissed
In cool ass lists news some guy made a list of the 50 greatest on screen rides. Numbers 9 and 4 have my vote.
Friday, June 24, 2005
When Benny Hoh Speaks People Listen
Getting that out of the way, Congress rejected the proposed $100 million cut of funding for programs such as Sesame Street. Was this action due to the power of the Benny Hoh Blog? The world may never know.
In I wish this happened 5 years ago news: Britney Spears has agreed to pose nude for Vanity Fair. Too bad its going to be of her preggers.
Finally in religious news: Jesus was apparently baptized in the crapper.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Allow me to tell you about Man Strength. Somewhere around the age of 20 every man starts to develop his superhuman man strength. Man strength is the physical toughness exhibited by dads and granddads everywhere. This may not make sense but it will. Sure some 20 year old kid may be able to run 10 miles or do 100 push ups but when he goes to chop wood with his old man or something it wears him out where as the dad hardly breaks a sweat. Despite a man getting older and frailer Man Strength continues to build. Take for instance this 73 year old who took on an attacking leopard ripping out its tongue to kill it. And per an early post, one time my dad punched out a llama.
In terrorism news: Beware of your goat. The evil doers may be targeting them next.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Orange You Glad I Posted
Today's What I miss about Boston:
People mind there own business in that town and don't call you out for ordering and R2D2 snack bowl off the back of a cereal box. (Of course that because geeks who do that sort of thing would have had the crap beat of the a long time ago)
Monday, June 20, 2005
Lousy feminine products isle.
For today's how California is different:
Why the hell this state can't put yogurt with fruit on the bottom in an 8 0z container like Bryers I will never know. What's up with a 6 oz yogurt anyway? That's hardly a spoonful!
Friday, June 17, 2005
Keep'n It Fresh
To ensure that there is always fresh content I am going to include things I miss about
Californian are very sensitive to noise. Every drug store seems to have a plethora of earplugs for sale.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Save Sesame Street!!!
If you manage to check the ESB blog as I do you all ready know that A House panel has voted to eliminate all public funding for NPR and PBS, starting with "Sesame Street," "Reading Rainbow," and other commercial-free children's shows.
Personally I'm convinced that this action is due to the recent move to make Cookie Monster chow on veggies. Believe you me, you donÂt know how pissed I was to hear about that, however I had faith that
Anyway... normally I hold the opinion that moveon.org is a load of crap but they do have on online petition to save
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Spry or Spree
Fudge I say! Fudge indeed.
PSA: What do you do if you are inside an elephant? Run round and round until you are all pooped out.
Monday, June 13, 2005
God Damn Shit
In other childhood memory news... I finally got the reaction I deserved. As a little kid I often got in to the "My dad can beat up your dad" argument. For most children there is no winner to the argument. It just goes back and forth. But for me I threw out the zinger "Oh yeah well one time my dad punched out a llama." One such llama has heeded my warning.
Friday, June 10, 2005
No This Isn't Me
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Everybody Is A Little Bit Racist
I think Everybody Is A Little Bit Racist was a title to a Dave Barry book or article but I believe it holds true, especially idiots like myself. I came across this article about anal bleaching cream ($9.99). I’m sure I will catch some flak regarding how/why I came across this article but that is beside the point. If you read the designed purpose of the cream perhaps you will have the same question as me. What do black people do? (I'm not even sure it this is racist)
In other news, does it really matter which idiot we have in the Whitehouse.
Monday, June 06, 2005
STD Or Chili Pepper
Recently a “friend” of mine was making a stir fry. Like any good stir fry the dish required the use of chopped up chili peppers. Yum. Also included in the stir fry was chopped unions. During the chopping of the onions my “friend’s” eyes began to water and his nose began to run. Not thinking he rubbed his eyes and nose with the same hands that had just diced up a few chili peppers. Fire entered my “friend’s” eye sockets and the interior of his nostrils. He began to cry and have snot freely run out his burning nose. In significant discomfort my “friend” went to the bathroom to wash out his eyes and clean himself up. While in the bathroom my “friend” thought to himself, “While I’m here I might as well take care of business (Number 1). No sooner had my “friend” zipped up did another burning begin. His thought was, “Wow this is like getting an
The moral of the story is be careful when handling your chili pepper.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
If you’re like me, you have some issues and should reevaluate things. Anyway if you are like me and base your grown-up life on the foundations of your adolescent life you often find that you may have developed some morals along the way. I for one was a kleptomaniac in my youth. As I have developed a few morals along the way it has become increasingly difficult to stick to the principle of basing my life on my adolescent foundations. e.g. Steal is bad.
Not to worry I figured out a way to do it.
I thought when stealing the most important thing was to keep you're prize in a safe and secure place where nobody would look. This place was often down the front of my pants. Despite putting my thievery behind me I still have positions that are dear to me and require safe keeping. A colleague of mine, who base on this recommendation alone may need some help, suggested “Brief Safe.” The “Brief Safe” is a highly sophisticated device sold on eBay for $14.99 and will surely protect your cash, documents or other small items from amoral youths that I can relate to.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
The city of
Not sure if this post made sense but I have been overwelmed with fodder for the blog lately and wanted get posting.