Friday, July 29, 2005



Its so simple and yet absolutely brilliant.


Cali Win's Today's East vs. West

Two really cool things took place. One of which involved ten thousand bouncy balls in San Francisco, the other involving a 15 minute tomato fight. The latter was cancelled after a sponsor withdrew but the mere fact that it was supposed to happen is pretty darn cool.

In what should I get Grandma for Christmas news: You have the opportunity to purchase an overnight denture/false teeth motel.

In funny t-shirt news:

Thursday, July 28, 2005


Big Difference: Cow Farts

I have been catching a lot of flak from folks in California when I point out the differences between the east and west coasts. I have therefore back off that topic in my posts. However, where I come from, when there is a farm that has cows, we call it a stink farm with the understanding the manure or slurry is plant food and we eat the plants. Sure we are indirectly eating shit but that's not the point. In beautiful California, farmers are putting a bunch of cows together so it can be found out: How much gas do cows emit? This is really strange. And yet I am fascinated by it and the impact it may have on the little known cowspiracy.

In regard to a recent comment regarding my boycott of Busch Gardens, I will be withdrawing my protest until I make enough money that I do not need to drink Budweiser or other Busch products.

Here comes the science.... I think this dude just wanted to party

Wednesday, July 27, 2005


People I Know

I know a guy who used to and possibly still does like to take a canoe out into large lakes and drop deuces off the stern. This of course is all in the name of science, or at least to see which ones will float and which ones will sink.

This individual is also known to have pooped in several other unique places included public building such as schools and use interesting devices for wiping.

Why am I friends with this guy? I may not agree with his methods or even the etirity of his cause but I respect his fight for the freedom of poop. And although I don't have a recording to post I know he was the inpiration for the the song "Poopy Surprise."

Sunday, July 24, 2005


Hey Fellas?

If you were gettining on with a ladie frined who had an indentical twin brother who you knew as well wouldn't that mess with you?

(Ladies feel free to referse roles as you see fit)

Thursday, July 21, 2005


More Cereal Info

In response to the poster who mentioned how they prefer Lucky Charms.... You Pagan Son of a Bitch! (I will save the Coco Puffs story for another time)

Let me tell you a little about Lucky Charms and the religious conflict there in. All the stuff in the cereal that is good for you/the oat type crunchy stuff is in the shape of crosses and Jesus Fishes... Just like Christianity... Its all about suffering for some sort of greater good etc... However ass (he he he I wrote ass by accident) we all know mixed in the oat type cereal bits are marshmallows in the shape of horseshoes and clovers a.k.a pagan symbols which may taste good but are actually bad for you. Let that information marinate in the ol noggin for a bit.

Tune in next time to see if there are other ways to find religion in your breakfast.

In swimming and what pisses me off about the Man News: Some 8 year old kid who happens to be disabled but still a super swimmer was banned at Busch Gardens. Screw them... I am banning Busch Garden. Beware of the power of Benny Hoh.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005



Every now and again it is reassuring to find out that you can eliminate one of the reasons that you are an idiot. Take Oh's cereal for instance or Captain Crunch or any other firmly puffed cereal. Do they not scrape if not cut the roof of your mouth? I thought it just was just me being impatient and obstinately putting too large of bites in my mouth, but No, others have experienced the roof of the mouth scrape malady as well.

How do I know this? Well ordinarily I would bridge the conversation with friends, however I am working diligently to avoid the "Your a freak" comments directed at me... So I turned to pop culture and while enjoying the warm glow of my television, the Family Guy accused Captain Crunch of cutting the roofs of people's mouths.

And there you have it.

In cartoons imitate life or life imitates cartoons news: Squirrels are starting fires in Canada.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005


Watch Out For That Bus

When I was in eighth grade my teacher, Mr. Orne went from student to student telling them what they would become when they grew up. It was sort of a send off into high school the next year. Anyway... some kids were to go on to run the family business or become doctors or lawyers etc... When Mr. Orne got to me, he took a long thoughtful look at me and pronounced that I would slowly go insane before walking out into traffic and getting hit by a bus.

Flashing forward, today marks my 1 year anniverserary at Voce Communications. Since graduating college, I have been a travel agent, teacher, mortgage guy, trolly driver, aquatic director, professionally unemployed 3 times, a PR dude for Weber Shandwick, and a PR dude for Voce. Only as an Aquatic Director did I last exactly 1 year before some dude tried to stab me. That being said... I am a little concerned about getting to work tomorrow.

I'll be watching for that damn bus.


Going Interactive Baby!

I am going to start responding to some of the more intelligent and or asinine comments made to this blog. Most recently a comment was made to my "Sad Realization" post. The post was curious as to the origin of Rock a Bye Baby.

Well allow me to digress:

Origins of words to "Rock a bye baby" in English least dating back to the 1700's

The story of the Nursery Rhyme relates to a family who lived in a tree house which was formed within a massive Yew tree. The Yew Tree concerned was believed to be nearly 2000 years old. The family were charcoal burners who lived in Shining Cliff Woods, Ambergate, Derbyshire in the 1700's. The ancient occupation of Charcoal Burning would be conducted by people who actually lived in the woods. Just like like this family. Their names were Kate and Luke Kenyon and they lived in what was locally called the 'Betty Kenny Tree' - a colloquialism for Kate Kenyon. The Kenyons had 8 children and a tree bough was hollowed out to act as a cradle for their children! Shining Cliff Woods was owned at the time by the Hurt family. The Kenyons were favored by the Hurts who commissioned the artist James Ward of the Royal Academy to paint their portraits. The Yew tree still exists but was severely fire damaged by vandals in the 1930s. More information may be located on the Amber Valley Borough Council website.

Rock a bye baby song
AKA Hush a bye baby

Rock a bye baby on the tree top,

When the wind blows the cradle will rock,

When the bough breaks the cradle will fall,

And down will come baby, cradle and all.

Monday, July 18, 2005


The Effortless Pleasure

There are some wonderful hedonistic vices in this world but in the end they all require effort. This is not to suggest the effort isn't worthwhile but on occasion laziness take precedence. And man's greatest lazy vice is the nap. To learn more about the anatomy of the nap click here.

In other vice news: This past weekend, between trips to hospital and pulled pork, I got to drink for boobs.

Friday, July 15, 2005


No More Cramps

No this is not a post about how those stinking commercials that start out with a really cute girl and end up being about some feminine product. Believe you me, I would have to start an entirely new blog to cover that subject.

This post is about Bananas and the wonderful things they can do and the wonderful things you can do with them. Of note this has nothing to do with the previously mentioned Banana Hammock, banana Hammock, banana Hammock. This is about bananas Gone wild and disturbing images from the 1940's. I will let the link speak for itself.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005


Say Whaaaat!

New research says that a third of the medical studies publish over the past several years are bogus. Of course by that rational there is a one in three chance that this report is full of poop too.


Do You Know What Is Fun

Say Banana Hammock over and over again very slowly and in a baritone voice. I know it sounds weird but trust me its fun.

However I don't recommend saying it three times in front of a mirror. Who knows what might come out after saying banana hammock.

Thursday, July 07, 2005


I Haven't Done This Yet

For those of you who know me well. You know the great lengths that I will go to to woo the ladies. Whether it be on the floor of dance or the showing of my CD collection (Sorry I had to keep this mild because of my increasingly diverse readership). Anyway I am struggling for material today and wanted to let you all know I have not done this yet but will certainly add it to my repertoire.

In other news, I am pretty sure I know this guy.... Big D?

Tuesday, July 05, 2005


Sad Realization

A few years back, a friend of mine told me "You don't know how many times you have almost died." And I hadn't, or at least I was still able to rationalize being hit by a car, nearly falling/jumping off a high rise in Rhode Island, trying to fit as much pizza in my mouth without choking and some other things that I have been able to block out. In addition I have managed to refrain for the most part from said activities of late. However I still all to often, this morning included, receive emails and phone calls saying, "hey I saw this decently dressed guy sleeping in the gutter and he reminded me of you."

WELL. Allow me to retort. I have no intention of giving up my idiotic behavior, after all it is innate. That said, I also want to limit the appearance sad pathetic Hohmann. There is an old nursery rhyme from the sea that is about a Farmer and the Dell. In this story the farmer takes the wife, the wife takes the kid, the kid takes the dog, the dog takes the cat, the cat takes the mouse and the mouse takes the cheese. The poor cheese has got nothing! I can assure you I am not on the bottom of the messed up food chain.


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