Benny Hoh Blog

Recently while Steve Irwin likely was off duty, thieves attempted to steal a crocodile which they intended to trade for drugs. Before settling on the croc they attempted to steal a Koala but the cute and cuddly guy scratched the bajesus out the prospective thieves. I think this theory lends credence to an earlier post I had regarding how baby koalas feed from their mom's anus'. If that's how I ate, I do believe I might be a little surly too.

In false advertising news: Get paid $600 a day to get high and change litebulb is not quite the job I thought it would be.

A wise man once said, "A woman is more like a beer. They look good, they small good, and you'd stop over your own mother just to get one!" This man was in essance touching on the subject of the pendulum of beer. Is it good or bad for your. Well folks... that latest swing of the pendulum is that it is good for you. At least according to the Czech's who have opened a beer spa. As per usually I am doing my own research on the benefits of beer.

In other news: How come Sharon Stone never spoke up when I was 13?

Isn't it odd that behind a ton of steal and some window we can be the biggest pricks in the world. Cursing other drivers cutting them off and feeling down right hatred for them. Where as if you are walking along and someone cuts infront of you accidentaly or you something of a similar nature more often than not unless it was a blatantly rude action we keep our mouths shut. Just one of those things I guess. Most people will hold a door open for a stranger but fight to get ahead a spot while in a car. Hooray sociology.

In he actually deserved to get hit in the groin news. Abducted girl and now one of my heroes nails skeeze ball(s) in the junk with a hammer to escape.

In other groin stirring news: Apparently nude pics of Britney have surfaced. And it seems like they may be from when she was still hot.

And lastly.... in Hooray Beer News: There is now a self cooling beer can. I find it my duty to purchase and research this product on behalf of my loyal readership.

Sorry for the infrequent posts: Cheers Benny Hoh

A young man once asked that question. And the answer he received was shitty, however amusing. Here is to you Little Johnny.

In I still intend to make laziness a recognized disease when I get off my ass to do something about it news: Here is a PSA on helper monkeys and how to get one.

And of course apologies to all for I have been long over due in my shout out to alcohol. Sure it has some horrible recourses for those who develop a problem however there are those countless people who would have never gotten any without it.

FYI: Movie Trivia will return in a new format shortly.

In other news... Those God Damn Swedes are at it again. Rumor has it they are developing the worlds largest telescope and now that want to take over the Moon.

Well I'll be damned it that is ever going to happen and am calling for a secrete weapon.

Soo it has come to my attention, and if I looked into it further I would bore myself to death but apparently one can measure the speed of light with chocolate chip cookies. My only guess is that there is some sort of equation that has to do with how quickly I go through a box of chip a hoy vs. the 88 MPG a Delorean has to go in order to travel through time.

Anywho... In I wouldn't want to be fixed either news: The latest dog condoms have been recalled. I have some many opposable thumb questions here but I shall refrain.

Today's Movie Quote: "What did Manny Vasquez call you?"
"Bitch" mostly, but he meant it affectionately."

To all my recent critics who have called out my inactivity... Believe it or not I work for a living. I know. I find it troubling as well. That being said.. I refer you to my February 10th post (Just a dollar a day) Other ideas are welcome for supporting the blog but that is the best/most beneficial one for me which I have come up with.

In a shout out to a person I know who is an avid cyclist: If I ever see you do this, you are dead to me.

In Hooty McBoob news: The Navy will no longer allow tattoos of naked women on it seamen.

If you thought that sounded dirty.. check this headline.

And lastly in things that don't nearly happen enought news. Good beer flowed from a water tap. One must wonder if Coors Lite was flowing from the beer tap.

Today's Quote: "Maybe we should go to college, wear jeans and stop putting gel in our hair!"

The work week is for the creatively weak. Take that "the man!" Of course "the man" happens to have all the jobs.... but at the end of the day if we all work for "the man" aren't we already trapped in some sort of ass backwards communist state? Well not me. I shall not go a full week without posting! Why?! Because God Damn It I think it is important for all of you to know my latest fart revelation.

It has been posted several time by me how farts are funny because they are a noise that smells. Its the beauty of this logic is its simplicity...Mostly because any stink you make is somehow not as bad to you as it is to others.... And up until this morning I was never aware of a flaw in this logic. But this morning...in the shower I was quite relaxed so I let a little flatulence go... Unfortunately I at the same time let out a large yawn. So there I stood mouth forced agape inhaling my own toot through my mouth. Unpleasantness was abound.

I didn't know they were ever here but Pogs are back.


Friday's Quote: "The man tells his stories so many times that he becomes the stories. They live on after him. And in that way, he becomes immortal."

Tuesday's Quote: "She said that sote:She said that I was a mistake, and that he made her have me, and that she never wanted me."

Wednesday's Quote: "All right! You put a shiv in my partner. You know what that means? Goddammit! All winter long I got to listen to him gripe about his bowling scores. Now I'm gonna bust your ass for those three bags and I'm gonna nail you for picking your feet in Poughkeepsie."

Thursday's Quote: "Say it ain't so, Joe. Say it ain't so."

Sooo I am not sure but would Broken Back Mountain PEZ despensers be perverted?

In other news: Two teens are in trouble for dropping a bomb in a Mc Donalds toilet. Little does Ronald know that everytime someone chows down on a Big Mac they usually drop a bomb in the toilet too.

In beer news: Apparently sitting down and having 5 beers is a lot. Well I'm off to the pub to ponder this one.

Today's Movie Quote: "Say it ain't so, Joe. Say it ain't so."

In a page out of Kramerica Industries I am investigating the possibility of becoming my own enterprise. With some VC funding I do believe that I shall form a think-tank (shaped not unlike a fishtank) because after all I am an ideas man. I can pontificate with the best of them. Upon the creation of my think-tank I will enlist other lazy but interesting minds to join me where upon we will hire others to do our bidding and or make our ideas into reality.

And in response to yesterday's comments. Yes I spoke to a girl and hooray sex indeed!

Today's Movie Quote: "All right! You put a shiv in my partner. You know what that means? Goddammit! All winter long I got to listen to him gripe about his bowling scores. Now I'm gonna bust your ass for those three bags and I'm gonna nail you for picking your feet in Poughkeepsie."