Benny Hoh Blog

Yes he did kill Nicole, but I am talking about Orange Juice. Everybody knows that benefits of OJ. It is packed with Vitamin C which helps your immune system. Hell! I know a guy who takes 8 grams of Vitamin C a day to stay healthy. All this just to avoid the common cold. A virus that seems so simple and yet there is no cure. Why? Could it be that the OJ industry has wisely tied up its money in cure for the common cold research only to withhold any results so as to make as much money as possible off of OJ? I predict that the next big frost in Florida will create a defacto cure for the common cold push.

Trivia Answers:
Tuesday's Quote: "No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?"

Wednesday's Quote: "It is a matter of supernatural indifference to me whether you contaminate the natives or the natives contaminate you. I have but one concern - our mission. Let one of you provoke an incident which endangers it and I shall cause that man to curse his mother for giving him birth."

Thursday's Quote: "Hum, you just touch me and I... I... I go as limp as a noodle. It scares me. "

No quote today... I am taking next week off. Take the time to go through the Benny Hoh archive. I maintain the older stuff is more entertaining.

It's not just a Seinfeld thing. Festivus was invented in 1966 by a readers digest editor. Who know. Well I did and now all of you do. So for all of you who need a break from the normal holiday hallamajarky. Its FESTIVUS for the rest of us.

In other news: With all the steal bars hadcuffs and other cool stuff law enforcement has how come they still can't outsmart the ol' tie your bedsheets together and climb out the window trick. Its messed up that guys like this get away via linen.

Today's Movie Quote: "Hum, you just touch me and I... I... I go as limp as a noodle. It scares me. "

Slide down a rusty razor blade banister or masturbate with a cheese grater? Both are fun activities sans sharp objects. So I guess it comes down to if you were going to go out with excruciating pain would you prefer it to be on a slide or while getting your jollies?

In slow news day news: Gorillas go through menopause. Next task for scientist ED for chimps followed by cure for cancer.

In mid-drift news: Apparently when exposed one is at a health risk. HORSESHIT!

Lastly, if you have not received in the past and would like to subscribe to my newsletter please email be at bhohmann@gmail.com. It is your last chance. The letter goes out this week.

Today's Movie Quote: "It is a matter of supernatural indifference to me whether you contaminate the natives or the natives contaminate you. I have but one concern - our mission. Let one of you provoke an incident which endangers it and I shall cause that man to curse his mother for giving him birth."

And if you happen to live in New Zealand watch out for Santa. Which raises the is New better than old question. England in my opinion is cooler than New England. I don't know where Zealand is but New Zealand draws dorks from around the world who really believe its middle earth. New Jersey... well we all know its rep but where is Jersey?

Anywho...

Trivia Answers:
Friday's Quote: "Hey, did you ever try dunking a potato chip in champagne? It's real crazy!"

Monday's Quote: "Maybe some day you forget what it's like to be human and maybe then, it's ok."

Today's Quote: "No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?"

In response to a recent comment about the scatalogical nature of this blog... That's way to big of a word for this blog or to identify with anything as junvile and entertaining as just plain ol' POOP! Besides I write about girls too.

In other news: Holy Cow I should have taken up skiing. You can win cool stuff.

Today's Move Quote: "Maybe some day you forget what it's like to be human and maybe then, it's ok."

In 1986 they said everybody would be driving hovercrafts by 1997 and lets just say, I'm a little pissed the my Mazda can't fly or go over water. Atleast not yet. However, great strides are being made and for those of you who still want to dream.

In name news: I have personally known Becky's with the following last names. Love, Sweet and Darling.

Trivia Answers:
Tuesday's quote: "Whoopee-tee-yi-yo. Get along little dogies. It's your misfortune and none of my own."

Wednesday quote: "I want this guy dead! I want his family dead! I want his house burned to the ground! I want to go there in the middle of the night and piss on his ashes!"

Thursday's Quote: "Jeff, you know if someone came in here, they wouldn't believe what they'd see? You and me with long faces plunged into despair because we find out a man didn't kill his wife. We're two of the most frightening ghouls I've ever known."

And someone correctly answered the prize quote: "Baseball is that blissful silence between Dick Vitel and John Madden" -- Bernie Lincicome, Chicago Tribune (The guess will recieve a large box of Ghirardelli Chocolate

Today's Quote: "Hey, did you ever try dunking a potato chip in champagne? It's real crazy!"

Does anybody know where the term crapshoot came from? We all know what it means but did it derive from the game craps or did some guy way into his pooping think that when his poop comes out he never knows what its going to look like each time. Hence a crapshoot.

In Coffee News: Sure we know the bourbon, but Mr. Daniels makes some damn fine coffee as well. Thanks Headie for the gift as well as the others.... and get back to blogging.

Today's Movie Quote: "Jeff, you know if someone came in here, they wouldn't believe what they'd see? You and me with long faces plunged into despair because we find out a man didn't kill his wife. We're two of the most frightening ghouls I've ever known."

A strange place to put a sign that reads SUICIDE! 1-800 Suicide might be in the middle of train tracks but that is where they stand in California. I supposed it wouldn't be so bad if the fine print that indicated that the sign was for a hotline designed to help people weren't so small.

Anywho... In happier or atleast really cool news: All hail PONG!

Today's Movie Quote: "I want this guy dead! I want his family dead! I want his house burned to the ground! I want to go there in the middle of the night and piss on his ashes!"

That's right folks, today is the 347th day of 2005 and on this day in 1964, in El Paso, Texas, President Johnson and Mexican President Gustavo Diaz Ordaz set off an explosion that diverted the Rio Grande, reshaping the US-Mexican border and ending a century-old dispute. I bet you didn't know that.

In other news: After this guy didn't die, I wonder if he had a second bet that he would have his legs broken in the second week of December.

In politics: Stoners have developed solutions to the Iraq quagmire. Funny thing is.. they could work.

Trivia Answers:
Friday's Quote: "I don't know why Cletus drug your tired old bones in here, he musta owed you somethin' fierce. Fact is, mister, you start screwin' up this team, I'll personally hide-strap your ass to a pine rail and send you up the Monon Line!"

Monday's Quote: "And then one day, my wife turned into this remarkable creature that could sit on the end of a broom stick and take off. She could actually achieve flight."

STILL NO ANSWER ON THIS ONE: "Baseball is that blissful silence between Dick Vitel and John Madden."

Today's Quote: "Whoopee-tee-yi-yo. Get along little dogies. It's your misfortune and none of my own."

What do people in prison do for shaving? One can't very well be giving a violent criminal a razor. Perhaps barbers shave inmates. But what about women prisoners? Do they not shave their legs and pits in prison? I supposed it isn't necessary to do so but its kinda common place is it not?

Moving on....
If you have nine minutes to spare and/or if you are stoned...

Today's Movie Quote: "And then one day, my wife turned into this remarkable creature that could sit on the end of a broom stick and take off. She could actually achieve flight."

Lets just say if you have pepper and salt covered french and or freedom fries for dinner, 45 minutes let alone 8 hours is not enough time to wait before going swimming.

In very sad news: It may not be safe to chase after those still wearing braces

For those of you who work in tall buildings... here some fun things to do in elevators.

Trivia Answers:
Tuesday's Quote: "Baseball is that blissful silence between Dick Vitel and John Madden," STILL NO ANSWER... And there is a prize a stake.... Come on folks this blog get 100 hits a day.

Wednesday's Quote: "Look Flaps, first I say 'what were going to do?' then you say 'I don't know, what'cha wanna do?' then I say 'what we're going to do' then you say what'cha wanna do' let's do something."

Thursday's Quote: "Death comes for us all, Oroku Saki, but something much worse comes for you. For when you die, it will be... Without honor."

Today's Quote: "I don't know why Cletus drug your tired old bones in here, he musta owed you somethin' fierce. Fact is, mister, you start screwin' up this team, I'll personally hide-strap your ass to a pine rail and send you up the Monon Line!"

History tells us that underwear as we more or less know it did not become prevalent until the late 1800's, Right around the time perforated toilet paper was invented. This is not to suggest that people did not wear some sort of undergarments before this time or that people did not have other means of wiping their asses. However my query is that was it the dreaded treadmark that led to underwear or had the development of toilet paper lead to the creation of tighter and more unwear-like undergarments because fear of treadmarks would be limited?

Today's Movie Quote:
"Death comes for us all, Oroku Saki, but something much worse comes for you. For when you die, it will be... Without honor."

Today's West Coast vs. East Coast comparision. It is December and I haven't and don't expect to try and determine which white hump of frozen ice and snow on the street is hiding my car. However, sunshine, clouds, rain, light and dark seem to make California drivers pretend they are driving in snowy conditions.

In college football news: Having supreme confidence in his team, undefeated Texas coach pulls the ol "I'll vote for you if you vote for me" trick by picking USC number 1.

In not giving a shit about his car insurance news: A man bit the head off a gecko.

And finally there are way more than 10 reasons to drink during the holidays.

Today's Movie Quote: "Look Flaps, first I say 'what were going to do?' then you say 'I don't know, what'cha wanna do?' then I say 'what we're going to do' then you say what'cha wanna do' let's do something."

If we mix our vices in the appropriate proportions we will be just fine. Cheers!

In Mac Attack News: Talk about a hamburglar.

Trivia Answers:
Friday's Quote: "Oh my God she made me a present. I am an asshole"

Monday's Quote: "The last miracle I did was the 1969 Mets. Before that, I think you have to go back to the Red Sea."

Since I don't have a lot to post about today... It will be prized day.

In an uncanny move there will be no movie quote today, however if someone can correctly tell me who said, "Baseball is that blissful silence between Dick Vitel and John Madden," I shall award them a prize.

The age old question. Does he exist? One can follow any number of paths to prove his existence from pure faith to Descartes "I think there for I am..." philosophical teachings, however the answer although not concrete is simple. As a society most of us, whether we are believers or not rely on physics as guidelines to the way the universe works. Hence if we witness the laws of physics being broken it is not a huge leap to suggest that there was some sort of spiritual or divine intervention.

For instance: The elasticity of the lycra in a speedo cannot be torn or broken by the physical capabilities of the human anus fart release. But alas during the autumn of 1997 a young man's speedo was torn due to the culmination of farts built up within such a suit. One final release did not cause the gas to seep from the edges of the suit but to tear a hold in the rear of the suit. Upon this young man's next flip turn the young lady of his fancy may have seen the back of his tonsils from the wrong end.

Hence, there is a god and he is a son-of-a-bitch.

Today's Movie Quote:
"The last miracle I did was the 1969 Mets. Before that, I think you have to go back to the Red Sea."

Three very important questions.

1. How come you never hear of women getting athletes foot. Is this just a guy thing or is it just one more of those women are probably much grosser then men but take the time to cover up any of their grossities. DISCLAIMER: I in know way find women as a whole gross. I am still your biggest fan.

2. Why don't astronauts get athletes foot. Because they get missile toe! ZING

3. Would it be a turn on or turn off to sleep with some one with batman pillow cases/linens?

Faustino Vaillant my ass. I call him Whitey. (Sorry if this only makes sense to me and a few others)

Trivia Answers:
Tuesday's Quote: "Oh, Christmas isn't just a day, it's a frame of mind... and that's what's been changing. That's why I'm glad I'm here, maybe I can do something about it."

Wednesday's Quote: "What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon, Mary."

Thursday's Quote: "A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark."

Today's Movie Quote: "Oh my God she made me a present. I am an asshole"

I guess I am unoriginal or at least have to come up with better lies. After all scientist have given up there efforts to cure diseases and have focused there studies on how to get laid. Can you blame them there nerds for focusing on this?

In what could possibly go wrong news: Airport security screeners are reportedly going to let passengers bring sharp objects on board airplanes again.

Today's Movie Quote: "A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark."