Benny Hoh Blog

Well first off... CRAP I work for a living so my post have not been nor maybe as frequent as we all would like.

Moving on, per my Google Advertisements, which try to guess the content of this blog and advertise accordingly based on the words in said blog.... I would just like to say, Boobs, Porn, Fart, Triangle, Zebra, Goofy, Zinger, taffy, Hotdog, Mucklock.

In very important news: Rank the 99 most desirable women

In other news: If you go back far enough I posted about a guy who legally changed his name to "They" Well some other brilliant soul who won't be having fun anymore because his name is fun... What?

Today's Movie Quote: "In his will he referred to me as That Bitch Who Killed Me."

Um or Hmmm rather, I didn't actually have a hmmm. Pretty much everything I post about makes me go hmmm, but I really wanted to make a C&C Music Factory reference.

In F'd up news: Would anybody homophobic or not, dying on the battlefield really give a damn if their medic were gay.

Trivia Answers:
Tuesday's Quote:"You can't win. You know that, don't you? It doesn't matter if you whip us, you'll still be where you were before, at the bottom. And we'll still be the lucky ones at the top with all the breaks. It doesn't matter. Greasers will still be greasers and socs will still be socs. It doesn't matter."

Wednesday's Quote: "Wealth can be wonderful, but you know, success can test one's mettle as surely as the strongest adversary."

Correct me if I am wrong, but toenail clippers are quite large where as fingernail clippers are quite small. To me the large clipper is more appropriate for the fingers because they are usually the more uniform nails. Hence a large clipper that can complete the nail-cut in one swoop would be most appropriate.

On the other hand, you have different fingers (I love that joke) but seriously on the other hand, no pun intended, your toenails often do not create a perfect half-moon shape for cutting, which is why the smaller fingernail clipper is better in that it has more trimming and shaping capabilities.

In other news: Raise your hand if you know what Peter, the fat white kid on the Cosby's said upon agreeing to go to the dentist.

Today's Move Quote: "Wealth can be wonderful, but you know, success can test one's mettle as surely as the strongest adversary."

There is a rule that says that a good chili should be able to have a spoon stick up straight. However I maintain there is a higher level of criteria. A good chili must have that stick to your ribs goodness. The way you can tell if it really stuck is if several days later you burb and taste your chili.

In pants news: I wish every day was I forgot my pants day.

Trivia Answers:
Friday's Quote: "The problem with the world is everyone is a few drinks behind." (I don't know if this was in a movie but it was said by a movie star)

Monday's Quote: "They're techno trousers, ex-NASA, fantastic for walkies!"

Today's Quote: "You can't win. You know that, don't you? It doesn't matter if you whip us, you'll still be where you were before, at the bottom. And we'll still be the lucky ones at the top with all the breaks. It doesn't matter. Greasers will still be greasers and socs will still be socs. It doesn't matter."

You know you have some good peeps for friends when you can barely stand and they come over clean your house, supply you with booze and pay for your dinner and additional drinks because you mislocated your wallet.

In death news: I wouldn't mind going out like this guy

Today's Movie Quote: "They're techno trousers, ex-NASA, fantastic for walkies!"

Perhaps this is a chauvinist point of view but it has come to my attention that beer companies are going to start pushing the romance of beer. In doing so they are going to start classing up their commercials to compete with the liquor industries. This is certainly a bold move. And yet an un-American move. Sure other nations are probably socially ahead of us particularly when it comes to drinking. People go out for a pint like it were a cup of tea. But in the immortal words of a man who will go unnamed, "In the US of Fuckin A its about Beer Football Pussy." Although crude there is truth to this point. Damn it I don't want to live in a society that doesn't have classic rock songs, funny animals and scantily clad women telling me that I can be buff pick up chicks and drink cheap beer. For all other beer related issues please refer to the ESB.

In things I wish I could have seen news: I would have said I would have seen this only when pigs fly.

Trivia Answers:

Last Friday's Quote: "Um... a malt Glen Garry for me and my friend here. And if you tell that bartender to go extra easy on the water, this 50 cent piece has your name on it."

Tuesday's Quote: "Behold, the Underminer! I'm always beneath you, but nothing is beneath me! I hereby declare war on peace and happiness! Soon, all will tremble before me!"

Wednesday's Quote: "The truth is bro, life's about greasin' the do back, buddy, and weasin' on the buff-fest, man. High school was interesting, all right? It was kinda like a harsh ride... ahhh, ahhh, owwww, owwww! We're going on to bigger and better things, buddy!"

Thursday's Quote: "I've asked you to marry me 40 different ways, and I'm waiting for a fresh answer!"

Today's Quote: "The problem with the world is everyone is a few drinks behind." (I don't know if this was in a movie but it was said by a movie star)

Ok... So I have mention before a girlie vice I have. Ice cream. I maintain that it makes you feel better no matter what the ailment. You could be depressed, pissed off, have a headache, fell sick whatever and a little ice cream will make you feel better. Unfortunately ice cream as a get over things vice has been put into the girlie category. That leaves us to the age old vice, cause of and solution to all life's problems. And so Guinness (no not this guy althought brilliant) has developed Guinness Ice Cream. If anyone cares to donate an ice cream maker to the BennyHoh fund I will be happy to share what ever brilliant concoction I come up with base on the above linked recipe.

In I know I have cleaned up may fair share of goose honky news: Oakland if full of shit.

Today's Movie Quote: "I've asked you to marry me 40 different ways, and I'm waiting for a fresh answer!"

I know a tall very beautiful blond who actually talks to me. "The hell you say!" you say. But it is true. Her name rhymes with this animal and many moons ago I even interested her in viewing my CD collection, which was the result of a now legendary pick-up line. ("Wanna see my CD collection") Although she recently brought it to my attention, much to my chagrin, that our musical tastes may now differ, she is still a very sweet person and my street cred can only be bolstered by remaining close with attractive blonds.

In my blog news: You will notice that I have sold out and begun advertising. The ads are supposed to be in line with the content of the blog. Yikes. So far I have seen diaper ads. Anywho, please click on them. Every click generates me money and may also inspire you to suggest interesting content for the blog.

Today's Movie Quote: "The truth is bro, life's about greasin' the do back, buddy, and weasin' on the buff-fest, man. High school was interesting, all right? It was kinda like a harsh ride... ahhh, ahhh, owwww, owwww! We're going on to bigger and better things, buddy!"

Are all crash test dummies gay? The answer is no. For years there were only male crash test dummies raising parallels to the Smurfs but thanks to the Swedes they will now be getting their Smurfette.

Another thought I had was about the long lines woman have to wait in to go to the bathroom. Given they lack the ability to pee while standing up but goodness, it doesn't take a whole lot of time to drop trow either.

Anywho..

Today's Movie Quote: "Behold, the Underminer! I'm always beneath you, but nothing is beneath me! I hereby declare war on peace and happiness! Soon, all will tremble before me!"

Pampers and other diaper companies often give out a year supply of diapers to some lucky family that ended up having 37 kids because of invitro fertilization. That's all fine and dandy and warrants a debate more serious than this blog will bother to undertake. What I want to know is how much is a year supply of diapers worth. If you have not guess already this inquiry is to obtain concrete numbers for analysis in the total cost of ownership (TCO) of a helper monkey.

Trivia Answers:
Apparently I forgot to put a Tuesday quote... So here is Wednesday's "My body... officially hates me."

Thursday's Quote: "Life isn't like in the movies. Life... is much harder." (Props to you arts folk who have seen this one. I saw it when it came out and enjoyed it a ton despite my youth at the time.

Today's Quote: "Um... a malt Glen Garry for me and my friend here. And if you tell that bartender to go extra easy on the water, this 50 cent piece has your name on it."

I have no disdain toward police. Many people do but at the end of the day I still believe that they do more good than any power trip they may go on does bad. And more importantly they have really cool things happen to them that will never a happen to me such as this case where a woman held cops hostage in order to strip in front of them.

In other news: God I hope this guy isn't related to Kermit. He's one funny dude.

Today's Move Quote: "Life isn't like in the movies. Life... is much harder."

Yesterday it boxers today its undershirts. What a wonderful invention. They help prevent pit stains, are a protective barrier between you and your shirt which allows for button down shirt recycling. Most importantly, although unfortunately not everyone seems to adhere to it, undershirts create a visual barrier if you decined to where a white button down. No one wants to see man boobs.

In the news: Take that drugs are bad for you then again there is no way this guy was sober.

In it might be time to move news: Adult diapers continue to find there way into this neighborhood.

On a similar note. Q. Did the old mad wear boxers or briefs?
A. Depends.

Today's Movie Quote: "My body... officially hates me."

Before I get to the content of today's post, per a recent comment, God Damn Shit you are right that with my picture phone I should have taken a photo of the Butt Sand and Gravel dump truck. My most sincere apologies.

Moving on... Aren't flannel boxers great, at least for those few occasions that its nice to wear them? They are soft, comfy and warm. WARM is an understatement. If you are not outdoors in a cold climate they are useless. Correct me if I am wrong but I have yet to know anyone who enjoyed cramped, sometimes stuck to the side of your leg sweaty testicles.

In other news: Scientists are using teen hormones for organ transplants. I'm just guessing but could one of the side effects be being too embarrassed to stand up after surgery.

Trivia answers:
Friday's Quote: "Goddammit, I'd piss on a spark plug if I thought it'd do any good!"

Monday's Quote: "We didn't land on Plymouth Rock. Plymouth Rock landed on us!"

Ahh yes, the gift card. A wonderful idea as a gift for those whom you don't know what to give. After all it allows them to purchase what they want. However, when it is merely a ploy to get one to go shopping, that one has been hoodwinked, run-a-muck, bamboozled, flimflammed. I didn't land at the mall. The mall landed on me.

All is well though, this morning I was whittness to a dump trunk that read "Butt Sand and Gravel"
Ohhh the giggles that were had.

Today's Movie Quote: "We didn't land on Plymouth Rock. Plymouth Rock landed on us!"

Have you ever heard of anyone actually keeping thier New Years resolutions? I didn't think so. So by that logic and that logic alone, I am going to eat more, start smoking, drink more, take worse care of myself (Yes thats possible), and try less. After all trying is the first step towards failure.

Trivia Answers:

Tuesday's Quote: "Oh no, it wasn't the airplanes. It was beauty killed the beast."

Wednesday's Quote: "A bit of magic. It's easy. You think. You wink. You do a double blink. You close your eyes... And jump."

Thursday's Quote: "I feel as happy as a puppy dog with two peters."

Today's Quote: "Goddammit, I'd piss on a spark plug if I thought it'd do any good!"

I am sure this is a childhood question but how come some hair just keeps growing while other hair stops short. I could grow the hair on my head quite long but thankfully won't be braiding the hair on my arms any time soon. Someone once told me it was a follicle issue but offered no explanation. Perhaps if one dyed individual hairs they could track growth and follicle strength. Or they could just make a dorky blog post. Hmmm.

In poop in Japan news: Beware of the smelly holiday cards.

In eemmmmmm Baacccooon news: Great gobs of goose shit, there is a club for this.

Today's Movie Quote: "I feel as happy as a puppy dog with two peters."

The Law & Order TV series is unprecedented greatness, sans all the spinoffs. I still have a crush on Miss Kincaid. And don't even get me started on Miss Carmichael. Anywho, the stories, particularly the older episodes where quite informative and entertaining. However it recently occurred to me that there are approximately 20 episodes per season. That makes for at least that many murders they investigate that fictionally occur in Manhattan. The NY Times recently reported that the murder rate for 2005 may very well be under 500. That being said I question whether 20 of them would be interesting enough to be TV worthy. Anyway I lost my point but think it is interesting none the less.

In other news: God bless capitalism or what ever this is.

And in case you are bored at work...here are 18 neat things you can do with your body.

Today's Movie Quote: "A bit of magic. It's easy. You think. You wink. You do a double blink. You close your eyes... And jump."

The gramatical errors if not the utter lack of nouns in many of my posts continually is brought to my attention. These comments have raised issues as to wheter I am an idiot, illerterate or taking some sort of bizarre poetic liscense. Well the answer is yes. However my intent has been to keep my writing raw in order to maintain the hermeneutics of my ideas. That being said, please feel free to comment in with responses such as. "You damn fool just take two seconds to review your posts" or "You go Benny, you're obviously a poetic genius"

In other news: I read, (IN A BOOK) that my odds of dating a Super Model are 86 million to 1. I like those odds. The foruala to get these odds is quite simple. There are 25 super models in the world. They date an average of 5 men a year. If you take the total population of men and devide by 5, you get 86 million.

Todays Move Quote: "Oh no, it wasn't the airplanes. It was beauty killed the beast."