Benny Hoh Blog

Ok I know that title can be misinterpreted but I am off to Boston so I don't have time to think up one of my normal witty posts. But I do have the answers to the trivia. I will report more later but my R2D2 snack bowl arrived today. Yaaaay!

Trivial Answers:
Tuesday's quote: "Red, it took me sixteen years to get here. You play me, and I'll give ya the best I got."

Wednesday's quote: "Don't you know that eating that stuff can give you very large breasts? Oh my God I'm too late"

Thursdays quote: "Wait a minute. You aren't seriously suggesting that if I get through the wire... and case everything out there... and don't get picked up... to turn myself in and get thrown back in the cooler for a couple of months so you can get the information you need?"

Bonus Quote: "Bear left.'
'Frog right"

Today's Quote:
"I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself, huh? I like it better than tuna helper myself, don't you?"

Its time to mail some stuff. Why? It was Kermit's 50th birthday yesterday and the U.S. Post Office has released a Kermit the Frog stamp. I for one think he still looks pretty good for his age and his tunes are timeless.... Moving right along.....

Today's movie quote: "Wait a minute. You aren't seriously suggesting that if I get through the wire... and case everything out there... and don't get picked up... to turn myself in and get thrown back in the cooler for a couple of months so you can get the information you need?"

BONUS Quote: "Bear left.'
'Frog right."

With all of your help I will soon earn credibility in the toilet expert world. This year I was noticibly abscent from the first World Toilet Summit to be held outside the Far East. I doubt much will be accomplished at the conference without my imput but who know's things have been known to go down the crapper before. However there is one idea that I find intriuging. A toilet concealed beneath the pavement during the day, but at night it rises hydraulically for use by late-night revellers.

TOILET FACTS
The average person visits the toilet 2,500 times a year
The first toilet stall in a public washroom is the least likely to be used: it is also the cleanest.
Most toilets flush in the key of E flat

Today's movie quote: "Don't you know that eating that stuff can give you very large breasts? Oh my God I'm too late"

I suppose it shouldn't be shocking. There are gay people, why wouldn't there be gay animals. I guess it just never occured to me. Well here's to being obtuse because apparently not only are there gay penguins but gay penguins who have torrid relationships.

Answers to triva:

Friday's movie quote: "Horseshit Rose!"

Monday's movie quote: "Remember me Eddie? I killed your brother."

Today's movie quote: "Red, it took me sixteen years to get here. You play me, and I'll give ya the best I got."

To have a fuzzy robe the robe must have fuzzies. However, said fuzzies although pleasant to the touch can pose macaroni and cheese mishaps. For instance, if once in cooking mac & cheese on a gas stove, one might want to keep their distance from burners on said stove, otherwise one might find themselves engulfed in a robe fuzzy fire. I for one am well practiced at disrobing and managed to escape injury when such an incident occurred but for those of you who are not as privy to "naked time" be ware. It also occurred to me that this incident may have been a subconscious attempt to find a reason to call the firefighter lady I met earlier in the week.

Today's move quote:
"Remember me Eddie? I killed your brother."

What is one supposed to do when they have that random cough or sneeze where a gooey as all hell jello jiggler of a boogie ends up in the palm the hand you were so kind as to use to cover your mouth with? One can scrounge for a napkin or to the sock wipe it on but if its a gooey one, I have yet to find a proper solution.

Anywho, the answers to the Tuesday through Thursday movie quotes.

Tuesday: Outside Providence

Wednesday: Butch Casidy and the Sundance Kid

Thursday: The Big Lebowski

Today's movie quote: "Horseshit Rose!"

I have not known enough Germans to be my normal judgemental self but with this years Octoberfest (see left) I just may be ready to pass judgement.

**Girls in traditional Bavarian clothes toast with one-litre beer mugs during the opening day of the Oktoberfest in Munich September 17, 2005. Millions of beer drinkers from around the world will come to the Bavarian capital Munich for the world's biggest and most famous beer festival, the Oktoberfest. The 172st Oktoberfest lasts from September 17 until October 3. Some six million people are expected to visit 14 enormous tents, each capable of holding up to 10,000 people at a time, drinking some 5.5 million litres (1.453 million U.S. gallons) of beer in the process.


In other news: Thank goodness for FEMA and ice in Maine

Today's Movie Quote:|
"Fucking German's, nothing ever changes"

I am pretty sure I learned this in 9th grade, however most people didn't have let alone heard of email when I was in 9th grade so perhaps things have changed. I learned that it is physically impossible for anything to go faster than the speed of light. That being said I also learned that (V1 + V2 = V3). V stands for velocity. Sooooooooooo if one got a car to go the speed of light and then said car turned on its headlights what would happen?

I welcome all of you who are smarter than me to assist in the query.

In Katrina relief news: Boobs prevail again

Today's Movie Quote (The answers will be announced on Friday):
"If he'd just pay me what he's paying them to stop me robbing him, I'd stop robbing him."

Its kinda sad when a person has that moment where they aren't so sure if they are nuts or just an easily explained psychological condition. Either way the outlook might not be all that good. For instance the guy who has to pee every time he makes popcorn, what's he to do?

Ok nothing like a little mental illness humor to lighten up all of your day.
Here's to writing something insensitive tomorrow.

On a new to the Benny Hoh Blog front I am now going to start including movie quotes at the bottom of each post. Feel free to guess where they are from. I will reveal the answers on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Today's quote:
"Cocked in Rhode Island -Drugs"

I can't believe I forgot. Thank You anonymous commenter. Everyone, today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day.

Be sure to click on the MP3 at the bottom of the link

Enjoy

I know a woman who I can remember back as far as 5th grade. I think even then I knew she was special. As I usually do with woman who talk to me I developed a crush on her. This took place in 8th grade. In an effort to impress her and show her my bad boy side I included her in some of my youthful mischief including stealing our 6th grade teacher's car. Sorry Mr. V. but I did end up holding hands with this girl in the hallway for close to a week. I had some pretty cool things happen to me, plenty that would certainly overshadow a week of handholding but I began to think of the purity innocence and guilt of the time and it just might be one of the coolest weeks of my life. Since that week I have befriended this woman and have stayed in some sort of touch ever since. Although I rarely see her, sometimes going years between meetings I will always keep in touch because she is as good as an egg as they come. Most recently she sent me the grand daddy of all care packages. It contained two boxes of Annies Mac & Cheese. (The kind where you have to stick your finger in the bunnies butt to open the box) Also in the package were various Willy Wonka candies such as nerds, wacky taffy (which include jokes) and runts.

Anywho I just wanted to call out that this woman most certainly has the Benny Hoh seal of approval


In other news:
I don't usually condone violence but if anybody ever diserved to get the crap kicked out of him it was probably this guy.

In really messed up news: Grandma gets jail time over a bite of food.

I don't know if this goes for men and women or just me but there is term I coined attractivity that best describes it. First and formost there is attractiveness and a woman can wear the right perfume, dress up, dress down or not dress at all. Each of these actions may indeed increase a woman's attractiveness. However, there is attractivity, which is more transendental. There are two types of attractivity.

1. Unintentional actions such as a particular color worn that can increase one's attractivity. For me there is a color that increases a woman's attractivity by factors of 10.

2. Every woman, no matter how she looks, has at least one part that can take your breath away if highlighted. The picular thing about this is it is more often than not the part is not the typical boobs or legs etc... it is a slight curve in the waist or something as little as an earlope.

Anyway... don't know why I posted about this other than I notice a woman's part the other day and her attractivity increased 10 fold.

On a totally seperate note I want to give a shout out, in the parlence of our times, to a handful of people who know who they are and those who can totally appreciate the 2 to 3 person dance party.

OK kids... I must apologize for the less than entertaining thoughts from Benny Hoh but as many of you know, I am often consumed by gameplans. I am currently involved in 4 unprecedented gameplans. Is failure a certainty? You betcha. Am I going to try anyway? You betcha. Am I going to make an ass out of myself? You betcha. Are others going to be entertained? You betcha

Sorry to those who have no idea what I am talking about. For the rest of you... I might be knocking on your door soon for some x and o advice.

In educational news: "OK" did not become common nomenclature until Martin Van Buren. That's right the 8th president of the US of A. Born and resident until his death of Kinderhook, New York.... My home town.

1. MVB used to sign all documents with OK for Old Kinderhook which in turn popularized the term.
2. If you hold your hands up and make an OK symbol with one hand you will be holding up 8 fingers.

Other Stuff:
Cool stuff you may not of known about Goonies

The following must me the most hilariously brilliant way to raise money for the victims of Hurricane Katrina. I hope more schools follow suit.

Just some news highlights today folks. I am too busy basking in my own awesomeness (details to come soon) to blog creatively.

Poaching is awful but if I can get a hippo for 50 bucks how much can a helper monkey really be?

In is there anything bacon can't do news: Breakfast makes girls skinnier.

Sometimes there is a car that well he’s the car.

Sometimes there is a car that can do it all.

Sometimes there is a car that has more than an owner but a companion.

Sometimes there is a car that the passengers recognize as more than a car.

Sometimes there is a car that is supposed to only seat 5 but has held 11.

Sometimes there is car that can take gunshot wounds as if they were just another pebble in the road.

Sometimes there is a car that despite it being only two wheeled drive can find its way through backwoods and fields of mud.

Sometimes there is a car which may have a pink racing stripe to contrast its white color but that pink racing is more cool than it is fruity.

Sometimes there is a car whose sound system is called into question by its passengers and said passengers are left in the middle of Vermont.

Sometimes there is a car that can keep a can of tortellini for 9 years.

Sometimes there is a car that can reinforce the bonds of many a friendship.

Sometimes there is a car that has had mix cd’s made more about it than for it.

Sometimes there is a car that has a base of one manufacturer, a front end of another and a steering wheel of yet another.

Sometimes there is a car that turns up many a mystery brazier.

Sometimes there is a car that can haul as much as any truck dared to take on.

Sometimes there is a car other that the General Lee who’s doors did not open and yet posed no hindrance.

Sometimes there is a car that transcends fiction and becomes a true batmobile.

Sometimes there is a car that no matter the disrepair can be fixed with a Forrest Bastard multipurpose knife.

Sometimes there is a car that has a few of the above qualities but rarely does one encompass all of the above. And trust me that was just scratching the surface (pun intended)

That car as many of you know was Kirby who recently retired to Florida. Perhaps the separation from me was more strain then it could take but not unlike when I left for college and my 18 year old dog began to fade, my 14 year old friend, companion, transport, and car finally decided to run no more. Kirby has been donated to a charity for the homeless. As much as I would like to believe that he is going to be fixed up and some toothless homeless person will be cruising around in him I am sure the charity will sell Kirby for the few bucks they can get for him. His monetary value may not be much but his sentimental value is through the roof. I know many people form an attachment to there cars but I think the difference is that I know so many people outside of myself formed a similar report with Kirby.

May Kirby cruise that back road in the sky in peace.

30 seconds of your time could save Benny Hoh a life time of channel flips. That's right, per the comment in yesterday's post I have done my research regarding the Boomerang Channel and have determined it is a grave injustice that my comcast provider is not providing it.

So with your help we just might be able to change that. Please click on this link and pretend you live in San Francisco (94114 is a good zip code to use). With the above link you can send a letter to comcast requesting the Boomerang Channel for your pal Benny.

In pain relief news: According to this Reuters article, if you stick a pager up your ass apparently you will feel better. Can't wait to try this one.

Ummm In noodle appendage news: Ummmm I can't explain this one but have fun

Could someone please tell me where I can regullary watch a looney toon, Merry Melody or Buggs Bunny and Daffy show. I don't want a DVD or tape. I just want the old school toons back on the boob toob. (He he he he he he he he he he I wrote boob) Is there a time and/or channel that still dares to show classic cartoon theater? If so let me know.

Any poking, ribbing or general making fun that I receive in repsonse to this request shall at all times be met with this response.

We all do it. It is a is a common as picking your nose or playing "One Hander Commander." Its the personal dance party. That's right. Who doesn't dance around like a fool to some good tune when they are by themselves? Here's to living alone and rocking the floor of dance, even if it is carpeted and a coffee table reeks havoc on the shin bones.

In I must of thought of this news: Its a wonder more of us haven't lied awake at night wondering why we didn't thing of this first. I know its been troubling me.

In Mac & Cheese news: Is it possible that the spiral shaped Mac & Cheese tastes best. How can the shape determine the flavor? It must be how the fake powdered cheese clings to the curve of the spiral. This would also explain why the macaroni's shaped like cartoons usually suck, unless its Batman or something else cool.

If you do a Yahoo Search on 'R2D2 snack bowl' (something I am still waiting to arrive) my blog is the number 1 site to pop up. So anyways I had a macaroni and cheese thought. Not unlike many of you I am sure you have had many a debate over how it is to be made and perhaps how often one should eat it. Well let me tell you, there was a day when I had Mac & Cheese (Powdered kind with few extra Benny Hoh touches. You can find the recipes by subscribing to the Benny Hoh newsletter) for breakfast lunch and dinner for at least 2 years. I ate so much that I actually became sick of it and I got on the no more mac and cheese wagon. I happy to say that despite making a respectable income I have fallen off that wagon and am lovin every minute of it.

In Katrina relief news: The people of the Gulf region of this nation are still fucked. However this little blog helped raise $4200 towards relief, and that is just the count of people who have felt so incline to tell me what they donated. Many others have informed me that they gave as well making the number surely larger.

Ok so I said I would return to funny but I read that it is National Blog for Hurricane relief day so despite me being ahead of the game yesterday I want to encourage all of you to donate. Per yesterday's post. Step the fuck up. Giving away your spare change, racking up a little more cc debt... whatever, its nothing compared to what some folks are going through now. I can't speak for you but I would feel guilty as hell if I didn't give. I already feel guilty for not giving more than I have. On that note, in addition to the great charities in yesterday's post (see below), Salesforce.com is offering to match donations. They are donating to the RedCross and the Points of Light foundations.

What has been great is many of you readers of the blog have told me you have donated. Props to you all.

Ok...So as not to lose my audience who checks the blog for entertainment.

In hey ladies news: Wouldn't you believe me if I told you I run slowly?

Not since "Sappy Post" have I dropped the serious bomb on you all but with the numerous tragedies going on in the World, whether it be the Tsunami last December or the recent horrors in New Orleans I figured it was time.

Sooo.... Instead of sitting around feeling bad or awestruck, step the fuck up and help out. Donate to anyone of these reputable charities. A little can go a long way to help peeps. Hell even if its just the jar of change you've been saving that you donate I am sure it will help.

People I Know:
I know a woman who during last year's hurricane season, stepped up and left her job, headed to Florida and went to work for FEMA. I can only hope you all try to step up in some way like she did.

OK I will back to my normal hijinks, tom foolery and shanangins tomorrow.