Benny Hoh Blog

Actually I think Halloween is a crap holiday. I hate having to have something to do. Perhaps it is my inert laziness. Anywho, some good came out of this years Halloween. The sweetest girl I know sent me a halloween card with the second funniest joke I have ever heard.

Q. What do you get when you goose a ghost?

A. A handful of sheet!

Today's Movie Quote: "The film which you are about to see is an account of the tragedy which befell a group of five youths, in particular Sally Hardesty and her invalid brother, Franklin. It is all the more tragic in that they were young. But, had they lived very, very long lives..."

I have never been to Minnesota but they have lumberjack day which is undeniably cool and from this news report, a great sense of humor. It may not be that high on your vaca destination list but it ought to be.

In other news: I don't care what people say, it is the size of the dog.

Trivia Answers:
Tuesday's Quote: "I know how you feel. You don't know if you want to hit me or kiss me. I get a lot of that"

Wednesday's Quote: "Doesn't it give you kind of a, a, a... shudder... of electricity through you to be in the same room with me?"

Thursday's Quote: "Never jump into a pile of leaves with a wet sucker."

Today's Movie Quote: "Do you want your sister to lose weight? Tell her to get off the couch, stop eating twinkies and maybe go out for field hockey. You know what? No one ever knows what they want to be when they grow up. You know it takes a little, little while to find that out, right, Jim? And you... yeah, you. Sick of some jerk shoving your head down the toilet? Well, you know what? Maybe... you should lift some weights, or uh, take a karate lesson and the next time he's tries to do it, you kick him in the balls."

marriage is definitely one of those firecrackers that I will light when I get to it. I certainly fall into the Groucho Marx category of "I don't want to be part of any club that would have me as a member." However, if this is what I have in store when I walk down the isle, my opinion on the subject may change. (Of note I spend a lot of time on the blogosphere for work which is why/how I came across wedding stuff etc...)

















Today's Movie Quote: "Never jump into a pile of leaves with a wet sucker." (Hint this is a TV movie)

You damned veggie folk are legitimately honest. Recently I purchase Veggie Stix but not to be veggie or anything else of that nature. I bought them just because I like them. Well low and behold the package said 8 servings per package. Normally, as we all know, a serving of junk food is equivalent to miniscule portion. This was not the case. I would venture to say I had at least 8 servings before the bag was empty a few days after purchase.

P.S. The only way to eat a veggie burger is as a topping for a regular burger.

In I never really liked him anyway news: Elmo had been arrested.

Today's Movie Quote: "Doesn't it give you kind of a, a, a... shudder... of electricity through you to be in the same room with me?"

As old age creeps up on me, I know I know I am not that old but if you fall down as much as I do the aches and pains creep up on you. That being said, I thought my chances of becoming a professional athlete had passed me by. Little did I know that Rock Paper Scissors is becoming a mainstream event with a World Champ and everything. Let the training begin!

In where I live news: San Francisco has spent moocho dollarinos on engineering a earthquake proof city and they have come up with this. Impressive huh?

Trivia Answers:
Friday's Quote: "I mean you guys spit so much, it kind of makes you wonder what you've be sucking on."

Monday's Quote: "Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue."

Today's Movie Quote: "I know how you feel. You don't know if you want to hit me or kiss me. I get a lot of that"

There is an ongoing phenominom that exist where for some reason people believe other people can choose to go out with who they want to. Very often I am told, "You should go out with her."

I was unaware there was a choice. Could someone please let me know where I can check the appropriate box to do that because currently I have been choosing the box that says I can drink out of the OJ carton and walk around in my boxers all day. But if there is a go out with the girl of your choice box I am game to investigate.

In Beer News: The beer advocate's top beers

Today's Movie Quote: "Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue."

Just a few random thoughts. First is it wrong to eat popcorn for three straight meals? Second where the hell is my hovercraft. In 1986 they said everybody would be driving hovercrafts by 1997. I can't say for sure but I recently purchased a new vehicle and it has wheels.+

IN THE NEWS: BE SURE TO WATCH TLC's "WHILE YOU WERE OUT" ON SATURDAY. MY BUDDY WILL BE ON IT. He is the ESB blogge which you can locate on my blogroll.

Trivia Answers:

Thursday's quote: "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled is convincing the world he didn't exist"

Wednesday's quote: "They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!"

Tuesday's quote: "There are two kinds of people in this world. Those with guns and those who dig. You dig."

Today's quote: "I mean you guys spit so much, it kind of makes you wonder what you've be sucking on. "

While trying to figure out who the moderately attractive woman on my T.V. screen was my ears began to bleed do to the garbage she was singing. And then it hit me. I prefer Kelly Clarkson as a brunette.

In electoral news: It appears that Giant Deushe will defeat Turd Sandwich.

Today's Movie Quote: "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled is convincing the world he didn't exist"

Double entendre is fast becoming my favorite word, especially when children are being offered a new choke the chicken toy and the main concern is potential for animal abuse. I can think a few more things these kids will soon be abusing.

In other animal news: Take that cats.

Today's Movie Quote: "They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!"

There was a time when ESPN didn't show 3 or 4 shows repetitively over the course of the day. It was a time when Ivan Iron Man Stewart dominated the mid afternoon weekday and cool sports you participated in only as a kid made it to national T.V. in the wee hours of the night.

I miss that time.

Trivia Answers:
Friday's Quote: I forgot to post one sorry.

Monday's Quote: “Well I don't favor talking to vermin, but I'll talk to you just this once. You're not just getting started. The line's been drawn. What Billy did balanced the books so far. But if one of your men cross my land or even touch one of my cows, or do anything to that store, I'm not going to the sheriff, the governor, or the president of the United States. I'm coming to see you.”

Today's Movie Quote: "There are two kinds of people in this world. Those with guns and those who dig. You dig."

FYI: The text message phenomenon has saved many from the embarrassing drunk call. When one has the opportunity to make an incoherent text rather the babbling in someone's ear the results are usually much less embarrassing and yet equally entertaining. Plus..... If you get addicted to the drunk call there is no help but if you get addicted to the text msg there is.

(Exeptions to the above include when you txt "Please come out. I'll make it worth your while" to women you don't know too well and "Lady you put my genitals in an uproar!" to everyone one on your phone.

In the News: For asinine separation of Church and State reasons "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" won't be played by a high school band at this years Peach Bowl. I for one don't care about this news but I curious as hell how a high school band was going to pull this off.

Today's Movie Quote:
“Well I don't favor talking to vermin, but I'll talk to you just this once. You're not just getting started. The line's been drawn. What Billy did balanced the books so far. But if one of your men cross my land or even touch one of my cows, or do anything to that store, I'm not going to the sheriff, the governor, or the president of the United States. I'm coming to see you.”

Stop drinking cow urine

Trivia Answers:
Thursday's Quote: "Is that all you do Mr. Potts, invent things?" (TBD prize goes to Richard Brewer Hay)

Wednesday's Quote: "Here's to swimmin with bow legged women"

Tueday's Quote: "You want to talk to God? Let's go see him together, I've got nothing better to do."

Take a moment and picture your average chess champ. Not your intellectual chess player but the dork who is a member of the chess team. I hold no animosity towards him but recently A female chess champ wondered if her competition looks at her boobs. I can't speak for you but based on the picture of chess players I thought of the answer to this question is sort of a no brainer. It just goes to show you that perhaps these chess types aren't so bright after all.

On a totally separate note but obviously my brain is in the same place, Miss Namibia is white. Who knew?

Today's Movie Quote: "Is that all you do Mr. Potts, invent things?"
Based on the honor system, (That means not IMDB searches) a prized will be given out to anyone who guesses this quote correctly.

Fashion may not be my forte. I for one despise the rules that suggest that some of the more practical items in this world are tacky. For instance the clip-on tie has long since been know as tacky attire, yet the the clip on bow tie is not. Aren't they both clip-ons for ease and convenience? Anywho that is an argument is for a later time but I wanted to set the mood for another evolution. The evolution begins with our WT brethren who for practicality reasons repurposes his or her jeans to create jorts (jean shorts). You will notice via the link our WT brethren is wearing jorts. This concept although considered trashy has been adapted by hikers and outdoor enthusiasts everywhere. They have developed what I like to call Shants. Shants have since been declared dorky, although I don't care and still enjoy mine. The latest discovery/evolution of waste-down attire, at least by me, was when I was recently in need of some dress pants. However like most young men I prefer the comfort of jeans. Well after spending what to me was a hefty sum I came out of a store with Jants. That's right some sort of pants/jeans. They are as compfy as jeans and made of a denimesc material and yet still pants. I was even complimented on them. So for now my jants have not been otstrasized into the WT or dork zone and I hope they never are.

Today's Movie Quote: "Here's to swimmin with bow legged women"

What the hell is the piont of the Baby on Board signs? Was I at some point eager to get into a car accident? But oh no that car has a baby on board sign better aviod that one. Or is it something more simple like I shouldn't honk my horn or rev my engine because the little squirt might be sleep? Perhaps is for prospective car theaves to notify them that if that take that car they are in for more than grand theft auto. Anyother theories? Possibly true ones?

Trivia Answers:
Friday's Quote: "Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads."

Monday's Quote: "I've been out combing the high schools all day."

Today's Movie Quote: "You want to talk to God? Let's go see him together, I've got nothing better to do."

So there still isn't a cure for cancer, AIDS and several other horrible diseases but scientist have been able to thoroughly examime and explain ethnic jokes. Well if thats what it take for me to no longer feel guilty about recently laughing my ass off at a cartoon where Daffy Duck goes to Mexico, I am all for it.

In Benny Hoh related news: For all of those who have enjoyed my company, I would like to think that I am plenty entertaining on my own and perhaps with a few drink to lighten the mood. That being said it is no longer necessary to give Benny 6 plus shots at any time. Thank You.

Today's Movie Quote: "I've been out combing the high schools all day."

Sure I play the lotto, but this blog ought to be a good indicator of the asinine information I think of. I am banking on said asinine information making me rich. Good luck you say... Well this guy who is being recognized by Harvard has made over half a million for making fake dog testicles. Dog testicles is nothing compared to what I got brewing.

Trivia Answers:
Tuesday's Quote: "I am big. It's the pictures that got small."

Wednesday's Quote: "Those aren't pillows!"

Thursday's Quote: "God damit that's twice! I want some butts!"

Today's Quote: "Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads."

I've got nothing today folks. My head isn't in it. The only I thought I had was how nice it is that we don't have any natural predators. Wouldn't if be f'd up if occasionally some bird swooped down and grabbed you? What recourse would you have. You would be way up in the air. If you struggle and break free you might plummet to your death. Perhaps you would be able to get way when the bird landed and decided it was chow time. I don't know. I am pretty sure you'd be fucked. Anyway here's to having no predators other then ourselves. On a happier note I do believe its a good day for a dream day.

PSA: Sunday is National Porn day, however depending on your view this isn't as cool as it sounds.

Today's Movie Quote: "God damit that's twice! I want some butts!"

A reminder to you all about 3 very fascinating if not important things in life.

1. Stupid Tax:
Stupid Tax is the periodic large fees we pay for our stupid actions. Usually there is one culminating action that really hits the nail on the head and makes you realize you were due. For instance...say you found out that you had a flight booked a day before you ever intended on leaving and it cost you 200 bucks to change.

2. A Girl can make everything OK:
A funny thing about woman folk. A phone call, a care package, an email or even a look in your general direction can make you sing songs in your head, forget about stupid tax and have you smiling all day. As crazy as they can drive you, I still say "Thank you woman folk."

3. Why we pay Stupid Tax:
We pay Stupid Tax because inherently we are stupid, however we get away with so much that it is only Karmic that after committing so many stupid acts without repercussion that every once in a while we are due. I sometimes refer to this as "Stupid poetic justice."

In other news: I feel guilty rooting for them but how can you not pull for the Yankees when they have Wang and Johnson starting. (hee hee hee)

Today's Quote: "Those aren't pillows!"

Recently at a social function a woman I know who is in her late 20's married and expecting was speaking to some friends and I when we all noticed the distinct smell of fart. We all scrinched our noses and asked if it were any of us. We were all old roommates so any one of us would have fessed up if we had done it. But alas the fart did not come from our circle of 4. The woman I know was then more grossed out. She said that a strager fart is much grosser than a fart from someone you know. I instictivlly agreed however it was promptly brought up that a fart is tiny particles of pooh that you inhale and are therefore more or less eating someones butt. The woman I know insisted that she would prefer to eat one of out butts over a strangers. Anyway folks...Let that one marrinate with you for the day.

In other news: With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, its worht reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then trouble started.

Trivia Answers:

Monday's quote: "Denver? The sunshine state? Gorgeous!"

Friday's quote: "I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself, huh? I like it better than tuna helper myself, don't you?"

Today's Quote:
"I am big. It's the pictures that got small."

There is often a joke about having had a fight with your razor. Well I had one for real. It ended with my Norelco razor in the toilet. There were unfortunate casualties including the remaining contents of my toiletry bag. In an effort to not shave with a piss soaked razor and to show said razor my point of view when the argument took place I am currently soaking my razor in alcohol.

To settle the Bean Town debate:
In colonial times baked beans was one of many staple foods in the new world. Women in Boston would cook them in large pots that sat in holes in the ground outside the commons. Sailors on merchant ships could smell the beans several miles offshore and therefore nicknamed beantown.

Today's Movie Quote: "Denver? The sunshine state? Gorgeous!"